It wasn't a shocking revelation that ESPN the Magazine recently revealed, though they acted like the world was going to shake with the unveiling of their findings.

Their report stated, hold on to something, that athletes have better bodies than the rest of us and that, in fact, they may have some kind of genetic makeup that makes them better at activities on courts and ball fields.

Now, all silliness aside, they did conduct an interesting experiment where they took a bunch of NFL linemen, retired and still playing, and tested their DNA versus "average Joes."

For those who don't know, linemen are the guys who line up and smash into each other on every play while the quarterbacks and running backs get all the glory. They average about 6'4" and 330 pounds in size. The question, at least for me, was how can these 330 pounders play such a brutal game for hours at a time while everyday 330 pounders can barely make it up a short flight of stairs.
Surely, there had to be some kind of genetic difference between the pros and the rest of us.

Surprisingly enough, there wasn't. The DNA markers, or whatever they're called, were the same.
So, conditioning plays some part. Pro athletes have access to highly skilled trainers and dieticians. There's the old "some people are just made to be that size" argument.

But there was one lineman who showed a difference in his genetic makeup. He's the standard 6'4", 300-pound bruiser, but his teammates were astounded at how he could run the 40-yard dash without drawing a heavy breath. He could slam weights around without the slightest sign of exertion.
His tests showed he has a "genetic strand" that allows his lungs to process oxygen at a higher level than the rest of us. In other words, he breathes better.

Scientists/doctors tell us that whatever is going to kill us is there from day one. Unless you're killed in an unnatural way (car wreck, getting shot, smoking yourself into an early grave, etc.), whatever is going to bring you down, whether it's at 20 or 98, is there when you slide into the world.
Science also tells us that if we can study DNA, we can find those "markers" and correct the problem, meaning most illnesses could be eradicated. If your family is prone to, say, breast cancer, DNA tests should be able to locate what is causing it and eradicate it.

Sure, it sounds like science fiction, but so does somebody who weighs 300 pounds being able to run a 40-yard dash without breathing hard.
This could have applications in a lot of areas of life. It's long been theorized there's a gene that tells our bodies to either be fat or be skinny. Just think if somebody could isolate that gene and tell it to make our bodies skinny no matter what we shovel into our mouths. That person would be a billionaire in about two hours, even if he or she only charged $100 to do it.

You could fix other imperfections. On a personal level, I would love to see the gene that gives you bad eyesight be put in its place. I'm sure lots of guys would like to see the baldness gene fixed up. Everybody could be tall. We'd all have eyes to die for. Love handles would become a thing of the past.

I can hear some people now claiming this would rob of us of our individuality. I don't agree. Not having to stick contacts in my eyes every morning wouldn't change who I am. And if nothing else, it would save bald guys the hassle of having to shave the edges of their heads.
"But if we're all beautiful," you ask, "how will we know what true beauty is?"

A fair, and deep, question. Having never been a member of the "beautiful people" I think it would be hilarious for all those who were born that way, yet think they've accomplished something, to be on the same level as the rest of us.

Just think of all the blondes who'd have to start doing things for themselves. And if all women could feel good about looking in the mirror, jealousy would be eradicated over night. Peace would reign!
Or perhaps a new standard of beauty would be devised. Perhaps tall, flabby guys who have to put on reading glasses despite wearing contacts would be the new standard bearers. Not that I know anybody like that.

But first things first. Get to work on that fat gene. Then start on whatever gene makes us live longer. That'll probably come in handy right around the time my generation hits their 70s, cause there ain't no way the world can make it without us.

michael.thomason@advocateanddemocrat.com | 442-4575